Chapter 46: Suspension of payment (7)
Part 16
It was a sudden spark, a series of impulsive choices, you could say. Yet, those moments, stacking up bit by bit, led me to this decision.
The courage to stand before others. The courage to accept my changed self. The courage to embrace the life ahead. All of it came together, pushing me to face my future and affirm who I am—to stand tall in front of the world.
Maybe the strength of my resolve was flimsy, judging by Sanghyeon’s expression when I brought it up. It probably didn’t inspire much confidence. Even I thought so. But still, I decided to try.
With that thought, I smiled at a worried Sanghyeon.
Even if it was just empty words, taking that first step felt satisfying. With a mix of anxiety and excitement about what lay ahead, I drifted off to sleep.
And then, the next morning.
Waking up at an ungodly early hour, the first thing I did was writhe in bed, gripped by excruciating lower back pain.
Part 17
“…You okay, Yoonseo?” Mom asked.
“…Yeah. Thanks to you… somehow,” I replied.
I barely swallowed a groan. Honestly, despite my words, I knew I didn’t look okay—not that I needed a mirror to tell me that.
It was still dark, before dawn. Mom, hearing my stifled groan, brought me warm milk and sat across from me, her face full of worry. I propped myself up from the kitchen table, taking the cup with trembling hands. The early morning kitchen, even with the lights on, felt oddly gloomy, a thought that drifted through my foggy mind like mist before fading.
“Some people do feel rough before their period…” Mom said.
“…Sorry,” I mumbled.
“No, it’s not your fault… I’m just worried.”
When Mom first found me collapsed in pain last night, her response was so swift it was almost military. She woke Dad, told him to get the car ready, grabbed my phone, and called Dr. Kang Young-hoo. In just three minutes, she got the answer: PMS.
“…So, it’s not just bleeding for a week. Menstruation, huh,” I said, trying to sound lighthearted with a forced smile.
It backfired. Mom’s strained smile didn’t look like a smile at all. PMS? All I knew was the military vest acronym, not this.
“You’re taking tomorrow off work, right? Can you sleep?” she asked.
I sipped the warm milk. I wanted to nod and act fine, but my body, heavy like I had the flu, wasn’t cooperating. The sharp pain near my pelvis made me want to groan freely.
This is monthly now? That’s depressing. The thought crossed my mind, and the resolve I’d felt last night seemed to crash into insignificance. If a bit of pain could break me, maybe I shouldn’t have tried—
“Should I take the day off?” Mom’s voice cut through, her warm hand rubbing my back.
I flinched, startled. My gaze, fixed on the cup, snapped to her. When had she moved closer? Or had I been lost in thought that long?
“…No, it’s probably just because it’s the first time. I’ll get used to it,” I said.
“Still…”
“It won’t hurt less with you here. Seeing you worry might make it harder to feel okay.”
I tried to shake off the nagging thoughts eating at me, forcing a smile to push away the sticky gloom. The dawn sky outside, still far from sunrise, glowed a somber indigo.
“You’ve got time before work. Go rest. I’ll finish the milk and try to sleep,” I said.
“If it gets too hard, you have to tell me, okay?” Mom pressed.
“I’m not a toddler.”
Her warm touch left my back. I barely held back a small ah of disappointment. Meeting her worried gaze, I managed a slow nod, though my head had refused to move earlier.
“Wake Sanghyeon for work later. I’d check on him, but…” I trailed off.
“That boy will manage! Stop worrying about others and focus on yourself. No overdoing it, got it?” Mom said.
“I said don’t worry.”
I waved weakly as she reluctantly shuffled out of the living room. I kept waving until her figure vanished.
Silence. The moment she was gone, I flicked off the light. After a few sips of milk, I couldn’t swallow anymore and staggered to the sink. The warm milk’s sweet smell, intensified by heating, mingled with the odd mix of dish soap and dampness. A wave of nausea hit, and I turned, collapsing back onto the table.
I needed to get to my room. If my parents saw me like this, they’d worry again. But no matter how much I thought it, I couldn’t muster the will to move.
Off to a rough start. A hollow laugh slipped out. I buried my head in my arms on the table.
Just for a bit. Just until the lethargy and pain eased.
It wasn’t until just before sunrise that I managed to drag myself up. My elbow, pressed against the table, was damp. Stumbling to the bathroom, I avoided looking at my red-rimmed eyes in the mirror.
Part 18
- Yo, Cheung, where’s Nunabbattajo?
- She not showing today?
“…She’s out for personal reasons,” Sanghyeon said.
It was about the time she’d usually pop in, but what was he supposed to do? Questions about Yoonseo’s absence kept coming, but with her situation too private to explain, he could only dodge vaguely. How could he say she was out of it from her period and decided, “I don’t think I should stream today”?
- Wasn’t that her voice earlier?
- Lol, don’t trust your room’s soundproofing that much.
“Look, she’s dealing with personal stuff and can’t drop by the stream, okay?” he said.
The result? Instead of a cheerful vibe, a heavy frustration built between him and the viewers. Damn it, didn’t you come to watch me? he wanted to snap, but he knew they’d just say, “Nah.”
“Seriously, guys, just for today, let’s do this like the old days, back to basics! Give me a break, please,” he pleaded.
If I call her now, who knows what she’ll do? The unspoken cry caught in his throat, turning to heat that sank back into his chest. Was streaming always this hard? Memories of his early, aimless streaming days surfaced. Even then, it didn’t feel this stressful.
Should I just call her? The thought flickered but was quickly discarded as he recalled Yoonseo’s state earlier. No, that’d be a bad move. He couldn’t afford to make a dumb mistake like that.
“Anyway, she’s not coming today! Definitely not! Just know that!” he shouted, feeling cold sweat trickle down his back.