Chapter 11:Shaved Ice and Secrets

Rice, café, dessert, snacks, and now shaved ice.

I expected something active when she suggested hanging out, but all we’ve done is eat and chat.

Is this what girls mean by “hanging out”? Well, guys usually just drink when they meet up, so maybe it’s not that different for girls.

“This is delicious!”

Jia Lee scoops a mouthful of strawberry shaved ice and beams with a happy smile.

Well, as long as the girl in front of me is enjoying herself, that’s what matters. I just can’t help but wonder how she eats like that and doesn’t gain weight.

“Seoa, aren’t you eating?”

“Haha, I’m full, so I’ll eat slowly.”

I want to join her, but if I eat any more, my stomach might burst.

“I guess your stomach’s still small, Seoa! Take it easy!”

Saying that, she dives back into devouring her shaved ice.

I thought she was skinny at first glance, but up close, she’s got a bit more flesh than expected. Maybe that’s why.

“Phew, I don’t play Go anymore, and I don’t have anyone to meet, so I was bored out of my mind. I’m so glad you had time, Seoa. I had a blast today.”

“I had fun too.”

Aside from eating, nothing really stands out, but watching a high school girl eat so heartily wasn’t boring at all.

“Ugh.”

Jia checks her phone, probably flooded with messages, but she doesn’t reply and just closes the screen.

“What’s wrong?”

“Hmm… it’s nothing. Not something you’d want to hear.”

“I’m fine. I’m curious, so tell me.”

“Well, there’s this group chat with a bunch of female Go trainees… and lately, it’s all about you. At first, it was just curiosity, but now the talk’s turning kind of negative. Well, for now… ugh, don’t worry about it. The pro entry tournament is coming up, so everyone’s on edge. They’re probably not thrilled about you. There are only two spots for female pros this year.”

“…I see.”

Sounds like I’m getting some serious hate from the female trainees.

“Now that I think about it, I’m curious. Are you entering the pro tournament? Honestly, you’ve got the skills for it.”

“No… I’m not set on becoming a pro this year. I’m thinking of trying the NJ Fire Insurance Cup general preliminary instead.”

“What? The general preliminary? Sure, the women’s division has tough players like Inaye Lee, 9-dan, and Hui Chun, 9-dan, but I heard the general preliminary is brutal this time.”

Even with veteran pros, newly qualified pros, and top players without seeding rights all competing, the matchups are so tough that there’s no such thing as an easy opponent.

“Since I have a chance to enter the integrated preliminary without going through the amateur rounds by winning a tournament, I figured I’d give it a shot.”

“Wow, that’s bold. I couldn’t even dream of trying. Honestly, even the amateur preliminary is impossible unless you’re at least in the second trainee group.”

“I’m not too ambitious about it. I just want to find meaning in the challenge itself.”

“Phew, I hate to say this, but I’m kind of relieved you’re not entering the pro tournament. Thinking about how you crushed me in the finals without even a time limit still gives me chills…”

She shudders as if recalling the moment sends shivers down her spine.

“Haha…”

“But while the other competitors are probably playing Go every waking moment, here I am, slacking off. That’s what really scares me. Seoa, can I really trust what you’re saying?”

Jia suddenly turns serious, her face no longer smiling awkwardly like mine.

She’s been acting calm, but deep down, she must be anxious and struggling.

“…I knew someone once. They were obsessed with Go. They thought eating was a waste of time, so they’d spread out printed game records on the table while eating. They kept puzzle books under their pillow to study if they couldn’t sleep.”

I hesitate before continuing. This is my story, Changmo Shin’s story.

“…It wasn’t efficient, but since they thought about Go all day, their skills gradually improved. Their win rate went up, their tournament results got better, and they felt rewarded and motivated to work harder. But there’s this economic term—diminishing marginal returns, I think? At lower levels, a little effort and passion can boost your skills quickly. But the higher you climb, the more your progress stalls. Even with the same effort, or even greater effort and passion, you might gain nothing. In that kind of plateau, pushing forward blindly only leads to frustration and burnout without reward or joy.”

I continue, dredging up a past I’d rather not revisit.

“….”

“But that stubborn person, who only had grit to rely on, kept going. They played day and night, without rest, until their heart felt like it would burst. When a brief slump hit due to a shift in the meta, their body and mind were already in tatters. They couldn’t recover and fell apart completely. They could never play Go again.”

“…I see…”

Jia nods solemnly.

“So, what I’m saying is, there’s no need to push yourself too hard or be anxious. From what I can see, your skills are already enough to qualify as a pro. Think of this as a time to take care of yourself and build up your strength for the next leap. The higher you aim, the more resolve it takes to break through, so you need to rest well beforehand.”

This is advice for Jia, but it’s also for myself.

I’ve been pushing myself to regain my strength before and after tournaments, so I need a day like today to relax.

“Phew, hearing you say that finally puts me at ease. Sorry for bringing up bad memories. So, Seoa, did you learn Go from that person when you were really young?”

“…Yeah, something like that.”

I nod awkwardly after a brief pause. Well, technically, it’s not a lie since the Go I play now comes from my past self.

“They must have been an incredible person. It’s a shame they’re no longer in the Go world, but seeing how much you’ve grown, I’m sure they’d be proud!”

Jia smiles brightly, encouraging me. Her smile eases the gloom from digging up old memories.

“…By the way, do they teach economics in elementary school these days? What was it, diminishing returns? I never even heard that in high school.”

Her sharp question catches me off guard. I realize my mistake, but it’s too late.

“Ugh… I, uh, read it in a newspaper.”

“An elementary schooler reads the newspaper?”

“I got bored at my grandpa’s house…”

“Now that I think about it, your speech sounds kind of old, and the way you text is just like my dad. Seoa, you’re pretty suspicious, you know that?”

Her piercing gaze scans me thoroughly.

“And we’re close enough now, but you haven’t called me ‘unnie’ even once since we met.”

She puffs out her cheeks, clearly annoyed.

“W-Well, that’s…”

Unnie?

It seems trivial, but saying it feels like I’m a grown man pretending to be a younger girl, and it makes my stomach churn.

“Sure, you look like an elementary schooler, but you’re not hiding your age, are you?”

Her suspicion seems to grow with her frustration over the honorific.

“Jia, u-unnie! No way! Come on, eat before it melts, unnie.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing out the dreadful, feminine honorific “unnie” to change the subject.

“Oh! It’s starting to melt! Let’s eat!”

As the shaved ice begins to melt, Jia hurriedly grabs her spoon.

I pick up my spoon too, scooping some strawberries.

The fresh sweetness spreads in my mouth. But soon, it turns sour, matching the discomfort in my mind.