Chapter 8: The pretty girl whose life was ruined(8)

Let’s cut to the chase.

I haven’t made a single won in a week.

I streamed three hours a day, sometimes four despite eye pain. Yesterday, I even turned on the cam after delaying it forever.

Fck.

What’s the problem?

Too many come to mind. Avoiding the cam for so long, refusing the mic, my garbage personality, short stream times…

The game might be one too. Streaming’s dominated by AOS or RTS games with heavy PVP elements.

But it’s all unavoidable.

It’s not that I want to avoid the mic or cam. They scare me, make me hesitant… what can I do?

My personality’s the same. The game I play too. It’s just how it is.

I didn’t choose to live like this.

But what can I do? This is my life. I’ve been thrown into the world.

I didn’t ask for anything. Not to be born, not to grow up, not to be stuck indoors gaming endlessly.

I didn’t ask to be a woman either. It just happened.

So I don’t know why I exist or what for. I’m just here, that’s it.

Thinking about that, with less than two weeks until my card payment, and the silver market in Arksha Online slightly recovering post-AS patch…

Click.

I took a selfie.

A spicy one.

What proves my existence? If I vanished like a ghost, the world would keep spinning.

But money’s different. Even if I die, my rent deposit lingers.

To repeat… even becoming a pretty girl with a new ID number, my card debt stays.

Why, fck?

Streaming’s failure let negativity consume me. Realizing it makes it scarier.

I know logically that a few hundred thousand won isn’t catastrophic. I’m not without means to cover it.

But keeping my mental state together is another story.

The final blow was yesterday.

Streaming daily as “Screwed Life Pretty Girl,” I got about ten regular viewers. Half their nicknames became familiar.

[Miha (means Pretty Girl Hi lol)]

[Mi-ha! I’m a 133cm/26kg/95-30-100 pretty girl (virgin)!]

…Familiar in a bad way.

[Stop the nonsense.]

[It’s true?]

[??? : I’m really a pretty girl.]

I see through their intentions. They want to mock, tease, provoke me. Childish, obvious.

I know it in my head.

[You posted a selfie, right?]

[Who said we don’t believe you? lol]

[I just wanna be friends with a fellow pretty girl ㅠㅠ]

[ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ]

[Apologize apologize apologize apologize apologize]

Their crap was too much that day, so I turned on the cam.

Not impulsive—I was too late. I should’ve done it sooner, just finally got it over with.

Who’d believe a pretty girl with no mic or cam? Who’d pay?

Honestly, I was scared.

Watching others game isn’t worth paying for. What’s so great about it?

What pretty thing am I even doing?

Still, I mustered courage, struggled with cam settings, and got it working.

[See it?]

[?]

[For real?]

[??????]

[Hmm ;]

The reaction was intense. I acted casual, kept gaming.

[I’m a pretty girl, I said.]

[;;]

[What the lololol]

[Wow… kya… pya…]

But there were only seven viewers. Four chatted actively, and that was it.

It’s funny when you think about it. The world’s full of pretty people. Streaming every one wouldn’t rake in cash.

Just showing my face shouldn’t earn money.

Chat kept rolling after the cam. No viewer explosion or donations. I gamed quietly, occasionally checking chat.

[Your eyes are kinda scary.]

[Lol for real.]

[Staring at the screen like that, how focused are you?]

True to their words, I glared at the screen, grinding hard. I poured my scant energy into it.

I kept it up, trembling, until I couldn’t bear my shaking face and ended the stream.

To hold back tears.

I took the spicy photo for no big reason. To sell it, obviously.

I’m not some pervert who gets a thrill from showing off. Stress increased my laundry, but that’s… uh, normal, right?

My body’s not that precious.

If showing a bit of chest can earn cash, that’s a decent hustle. It’s not like it wears out.

What value does it have to me?

The only catch is distributing explicit content, but cyber exile solves that. Sounds fancy, but it just means using overseas servers.

Crypto’s another option.

[Get those viewers!]

[Pretty girl, come out! Pretty girl, come out!]

[Miha (means Pretty Girl Hi)]

[Is this really the silver-haired pretty girl gaming stream?]

[Mmha (means Miha (means Pretty Girl Hi))]

Realizing streaming’s tough yesterday, I…

[??]

I start today’s stream, and something’s weird.

[She’s actually chatting lololol]

[Where’s the mic?]

[Love your eyes.]

[Miha.]

I haven’t even logged into the game, just frozen. Viewers keep climbing.

Normally, it takes an hour to hit ten.

[?????]

[Just typing question marks lololol]

[Blinking’s cute.]

[Please let us hear your voice, just once.]

[Wow, her hair’s really silver.]

Five minutes in, over 40 viewers. Chat’s a frenzy. I’m overwhelmed, wondering if it’s a dream, barely typing.

[Close your mouth, bugs’ll fly in.]

[Lolololol]

[Did she just chug water to snap out of it??]

[Pretty girl (water spitter).]

Cold water on my skin finally grounds me. Thankful no water hit the keyboard, I type.

[What’s going on??]

[Here for the pretty girl~]

[You’re the one being sudden, spitting water lol]

[For real lol]

[How do you resist a silver-haired pretty girl???]

[No, I mean.]

[Why so many viewers suddenly?]

[I didn’t do anything wrong.]

Not like I got exposed or pissed off a big streamer…

[Came from Agal.]

[Me too.]

[Agal’s short for Arksha Gallery, it’s from Japan—]

[Ban that guy.]

I know what Agal is—Arksha Gallery.

I check to see what’s up.

[Recent gallery visit legend lololol]

[Taira Yurina lol.]

[Silver-haired pretty girl (weeb)]

[Bookmark lol what’s she even doing?]

Fck.

Streamers use incognito mode, but I forgot.

My gallery visits and bookmarks got exposed. No weird stuff, just… some anime fan activity.

[That’s not me.]

[Friend used it.]

I say, but…

[Lol.]

[Sure lol.]

[I love Yurina too, introduce your friend lol.]

They don’t buy it…

I vow to be careful, then skim Agal’s top posts. Most are typical: info, newbie guides, exposes, director bashing.

I click a non-typical one.

“(Breaking) Pretty girl Arksha streamer on”

Yup.

It’s a screenshot of my stream. No real content.

But tons of comments. Calling it fake, viral, edited…

Or saying I’m pretty, intriguing, gotta watch, with stream link replies.

[This it?]

[Yup.]

[Yeah lol.]

[No, I’ve been watching since Wednesday.]

That’s a lie. First time seeing that nick.

But I don’t mind the obvious fib.

[Uh, so…]

[Thanks for coming.]

[Gonna game now.]

Heart pounding, I log in. The familiar game screen calms me.

I laugh at myself, a small chuckle.

[She laughed lol.]

[Smiling just from the game lol.]

[She loves it lololol.]

Fck, can’t I laugh? They’re so extra.

Their chats make me laugh harder, and I laugh even more.