Chapter 103: By fountain (1)

Part 1

How did it come to this? In a foggy haze, Sihyun vaguely pondered the question.

Right. It started with mentioning wanting to meet Yoonseo’s friends. Hearing they were gathering for drinks tonight, eating something as unremarkable as gukbap, a dish he’d never have crossed paths with otherwise. And then… what happened next?

“Are you sobering up?” a voice asked.

“…Yoonseo-ssi?” Sihyun mumbled.

“The others are still drinking hard. You’re really bad with alcohol,” Yoonseo said.

Sihyun could’ve sworn she wasn’t there at the start. Over his blurry vision, Yoonseo’s face appeared, splitting into two heads from one neck, staring at him. A floating, dreamlike sensation. It should’ve been creepy, but it was oddly hilarious.

“Ehehehehe,” Sihyun giggled.

“Wow, they said you only had three drinks. Sihyun-ssi? Can you understand me?” Yoonseo asked.

“Not drunk, not drunk,” he insisted.

Her face merged into one, then split into three. Sihyun let out a strange, hiccuping laugh. Unable to speak properly, he suppressed a wave of nausea and shakily pointed to a bench that looked four times longer than normal.

His legs, feeling half their usual length, stretched four times as far as Yoonseo helped him toward the bench. Her stride was confident, and he couldn’t stop laughing, shoulders shaking, oblivious to passersby’s stares. Her disgusted glance only made everything funnier.

“Let’s sit for a bit,” she suggested.

“Yoonseo-ssi…” he slurred.

“Yes?”

“Can I… throw up?” he asked.

“Crap—hold on! One minute!” she exclaimed.

“Disguise… what’s the point… pfft… when you stand out that much…”

Maybe I should gift her sunglasses next time, Sihyun thought dazedly, shaking his head. Next time? There won’t be a next time.

Yoonseo, who’d stepped away, returned quickly. Seeing the plastic bag in her hand made his forgotten nausea surge again. Spotting his retching, she hurried her already brisk pace.

“No! Here! In this!” she urged.

“Urp…”

“Hold the bag! The bag!”

Pretty. Enviable. Blessed. Strong. Someone with everything Sihyun lacked. Someone to envy.

“Uweeeek…”

“Phew…”

Someone he hated.

Yet, someone he couldn’t hate.

“Guh… urk…”

“…Want me to rub your back?” Yoonseo offered.

With little food in his stomach, it was mostly sour bile. The stench and occasional food chunks triggered more retching, leaving no chance to refuse as he emptied his stomach again.

“If you can’t handle alcohol, just say so. Why force it down?” Yoonseo said.

Amid the retching, liquid splashes, and mental fog, her voice came through. What a nice voice, Sihyun thought. She’s terrible at singing, though. Annoying.

Her small, delicate hand rubbed his back—nothing like his current hands, or even his old ones. Soft, warm.

“It was a rare chance to hang with the guys, and now this because of you,” she said.

“Sor… urp…”

“Don’t talk. Wait till you’re calm,” she instructed.

She’s always been like this. Caring about someone irrelevant, someone she shouldn’t bother with. Reaching out, like it’s natural, like today.

“Guhhh…”

“Don’t hold it in, just let it out.”

Beyond like or dislike, Yoonseo was undeniably kind. A genuinely good, admirable person. Sihyun had to acknowledge it.

That truth hurt more than anything.

His own twisted inability to like such a person felt especially loathsome tonight.

Part 2

“Calmed down?” Yoonseo asked.

“Yeah… thanks to you…” Sihyun replied.

“God, you act all tough normally, but this is pathetic,” she teased.

Sihyun staggered back from the public restroom. Thankfully, the bile-filled bag had been dealt with.

“Drink this. All the warm drinks were taken, so it’s cold,” Yoonseo said, handing him a honey drink and mint candy from a convenience store.

“…Thanks,” he said.

“Want the candy?”

“After this…”

Nodding slowly, Sihyun opened the drink. What if he can’t keep this down? But he gulped it, and it went down fine.

Yoonseo watched silently, and Sihyun hoped the city noise masked his pounding heart.

“…I heard you’ve been busy with gigs lately. Must’ve been hard to make time. Sorry about this,” he said.

“Busy? Just a few shoots,” she shrugged.

“Getting so many offers in a week that you have to pick and choose—after just two cosplay shoots? You know that’s crazy,” he said.

“The real issue was syncing with the others’ schedules,” she deflected.

I have to say it. If I don’t, I’ll regret it. But the words wouldn’t come. Sihyun’s indirect sidestepping felt considerate, making it harder to speak. He didn’t want to ruin what came next.

“…You’ve got a lot to say,” Yoonseo said.

Cruelly, she forced the issue, as if saying enough stalling. His clenched fist trembled.

“You heard from your friends, right?” she asked.

“…Can I ask why you told them?”

“You knew I wasn’t close with them for any real reason,” she said.

Her bitter smile felt heartbreakingly sad. Sihyun knew how she felt about him, how she treated him. He’d planned to drift apart after this break, to be forgotten.

“…Why bring it up today?” he asked.

“Maybe the alcohol. Or I just wanted an excuse to act out,” she said.

Her bitter laugh faded into the night. Unable to meet her gaze, Sihyun stared at her half-visible eyes.

“Maybe I wanted you to be as miserable as me,” she admitted.

“…Yeah,” he said.

“I asked them about you.”

“I know.”

“Do you know how they looked?”

Her upturned lips, meant to be amused, seemed to hold back tears. An emotion Sihyun couldn’t grasp, now slipping away forever.

“They looked like they pitied me. Like I was a flailing loser,” she said.

“They wouldn’t think that,” he reassured.

“Probably not. They’re all too kind. Even to someone like me, spewing nonsense about a friend, they’d offer comfort, not pity,” she said.

Her gaze dropped. It felt like something shattered.

“That’s what made it so pathetic. Understand?” she asked.

A week before the new semester, on an early spring night, Sihyun lost a connection.

Burying the affection he’d known in her sad smile, he couldn’t hold onto her departing hand.