Chapter 17: The Chaos of Firsts

Garam’s First Blood at 21

Days passed since the incident.

Junseo went back to his place, but I’m still at my parents’ house. I’ll head back to my place in a few days.

It’s another typical morning. Warm sunlight streams in, and my mood should be soaring…

“Ughhh…”

Something feels off.

Even with the sunlight on me, I’m not happy. My body feels sluggish—not the pleasant kind, but a heavy, uncomfortable lethargy.

“Ugh… what’s this damp feeling…”

I’m in a bad mood today and just want to pull the covers over my head and sleep in, but I feel something wet between my legs—around my crotch.

Did I wet the bed? It doesn’t feel like enough liquid for that.

I want to ignore it and sleep, but the sticky, gross sensation forces me to get up in a huff.

“What the heck…”

I drag my weak body upright. My wings are too heavy to lift, drooping limply.

I kick off the blanket, pull down my pants, and look inside…

“… Blood?”

A chill runs through me. My groggy mind snaps awake the moment I see the red smeared on my underwear.

Blood.

Out of nowhere?

No, I’ve heard about this somewhere.

The bad mood today. Blood trickling from my lower body. This weak, sluggish feeling. And it’s been about a month since I became like this—

“….”

No way.

…

……

………

“MOOOOM!!!!”

“Oh, my poor son… or, daughter? You’re going through it.”

Mom smiles gently beside my bed, holding a bag of sanitary pads she rushed to buy from the convenience store.

I never imagined I’d be wearing pads in my life. It’s more shocking than the bra.

“Ughhh…”

As Mom teaches me how to use a pad, a sharp pain grips my abdomen, and I groan. It feels like someone’s squeezing my lower belly.

“Do all girls hurt like this… every month?”

“Period pain varies a lot. I didn’t have it bad when I was young, but it seems rough for you.”

Ugh.

Another wave of cramping pain hits.

“Why me…”

“Keeping your lower body warm might help. Want a heating pad?”

“That’d be great, yeah.”

As Mom suggested, I place a warm heating pad on my stomach, and the pain eases a bit. It still hurts, though.

Mom pats my head, saying I’m doing well, and leaves the room.

“Ughhh…”

My halo flickers weakly, like it’s about to go out. Usually bright except when I sleep, it’s nowhere to be seen now.

My body slumps lifelessly. My wings droop onto the bed, limp. I feel awful.

My lower abdomen aches, and blood trickles out, making me hyper-aware that I’m a girl now.

I’ve felt it in the bathroom or when looking in the mirror, but this is on another level. Maybe the pain makes it worse.

I feel inexplicably depressed. If someone saw me now, they’d probably say I’m radiating a dark aura.

Periods mean…

I could get pregnant.

Good grief.

That thought feels so weird. Pregnancy? Me? My face scrunches up. I can handle the word “period,” but “pregnancy”?

Let’s not use that word. It feels wrong.

“Ugh…”

The pain surges again, along with that gross, leaking sensation.

Wahhh.

“You okay? You don’t look okay.”

I’m groaning when my brother walks in. I don’t look okay, so why ask if I am? My stomach hurts, and now my head’s throbbing from him talking. I’m dizzy. Can’t he leave me alone? Why’s he here?

“Don’t talk to me…”

“Uh, okay, sure.”

My head’s a mess of scattered thoughts. I can’t think straight.

“How about some ice cream? I bought some yester—”

“Not in the mood to eat…”

“?!”

My brother’s eyes widen like he heard something unthinkable. What? I can not want ice cream sometimes. Why’s that a big deal?

“Okay. Uh, hang in there.”

“Just get out…”

Click.

The door shuts, and his footsteps fade.

I swap to an overnight pad, pull the blanket over my head, and close my eyes. Maybe sleep will dull the pain.

…

“Ugh…”

I can’t sleep. Every time I drift off, the abdominal pain jolts me awake.

I feel like I’m dying.

If I keep my eyes closed, maybe sleep will come…

Ding!

“….”

Ding! Ding!

“….”

I sigh and grab my phone.

It’s the group chat with my friends. Too drained to reply, I mute it and toss the phone across the room. Now it’ll be quiet.

Can I sleep now?

I close my eyes tightly, relaxing my body.

Steady breathing, my chest rising and falling. My mind slowly sinks into a haze…

…

Riiing!

Riiing!

“….”

Please, no.

I crawl across the bed to grab the ringing phone. The screen says [Kim Junseo]. I jab the answer button in frustration.

– Garam, you today—

“Don’t call.”

– Uh, what? Okay.

Click.

I fling the phone away again, bury my face in the pillow, and try to sleep.

Ugh.

My stomach hurts.

Why’s this happening to me? Let me sleep, please. God, Buddha, someone.

… Wait, should I skip Buddha? I’m an angel.

“Pfft… ugh.”

A chuckle slips out, but the pain in my lower body and the leaking sensation sour my mood again.

Laughing, crying—I’m losing it.

…

As I groan in pain, sunlight streams through the window. My body’s too achy for it to lift my mood like usual, but it seems to ease the pain slightly.

I crawl to the sunny spot and lie down. The pain lessens, and I feel better.

Now I might actually sleep. Long live the sun.

Zzz…

…

Riiing!

Riiing!

“….”

God, please.

The screen says [Seo Jimin].

– Garam! Want to come over to my place—

“Sorry.”

Click.

Huff.

Now, can I finally sleep?

If one more call comes, I’m gonna lose it. I just want to sleep. One more, and I’m turning the phone off. I’m serious.

…

The room’s quiet.

How nice.

The pain’s still there, but the sunlight’s helping. Warm rays. My eyelids grow heavy, sleep creeping in.

As I drift off, I feel like I’m floating. Like I’m sinking into the deep sea, far from my body—

Riiing!

Riiing!

“….”

I grab the phone.

It’s the demon. Ever since that video of me went viral, she’s been calling for no reason.

Normally, I’d humor her, but right now, I’m so, so pissed I have zero desire to deal with her. None!

Thinking about it, her face always annoys me. Why do I have to put up with her? Can’t I just slap her? I’m an angel; it’s fine to get mad at a demon, right? Why’s she keep ruining my sleep?

Maybe it’s all the interrupted sleep or the period pain, but my head’s a mess of chaotic thoughts. It’s dizzying, like my reason’s shutting down.

My thoughts bounce around like a pinball. Scattered, irrational ideas push past the line.

– My horns grew 1cm, I think—

“Shut up.”

…

……

Chirp.

Chirp chirp.

Sparrows sing in the morning. Warm sunlight.

I wake up, head fuzzy from sleeping so long. The pain’s better than yesterday, but more blood’s flowing.

Still, I feel better. I can move now.

After changing my pad, my mind starts to clear, like it’s rising from the deep sea. My brain slowly starts working again.

Okay.

What did I do yesterday?

I piece together hazy memories.

Woke up, realized I was on my period, learned how to use a pad from Mom, snapped at my brother.

Then what?

Fragmented memories start fitting together. They take shape.

The group chat, tossing my phone.

Calls from Junseo, Jimin, and… Jisoo.

…

The first two, I didn’t cross a line, so I can explain. But what I said to Jisoo…

What do I do? I must’ve been out of my mind.

…

I end up calling all three to apologize profusely. Thankfully, they all understand.

Jisoo, who I was most worried about, says she found my outburst refreshing. Guess demons are chill about that stuff.

Junseo, no surprise, is cool about it.

Jimin invites me to her place, and I agree to visit.

I’m a bit worried I’ll end up as her dress-up doll, but I can’t say no after what I did.

And so, my first period at 21 came to an end.