Chapter 27: Tangerine Flower Paper (9)
Part 21
My first cam stream. It was a rollercoaster in many ways, but nothing really changed. My lazy daily routine stayed the same, Sanghyeon’s streams didn’t see any dramatic shifts, and no special conversations happened with family. Just the usual everyday life, quietly flowing along, bit by bit…
“The break’s melting away.”
Early morning, I blurted out the thought that popped into my groggy mind. I wished for cheerful birdsong, but all that came through the window with the morning sunlight was the buzz of motorbikes already zipping around.
“…Out of nowhere?”
“Not exactly sudden. More like it just hit me now. Been busy, you know.”
A sigh slipped out as I set plates on the table. Junseok-hyung’s confused gaze hit me, and I barely swallowed the whiny “I don’t even know how to explain this” that almost spilled out. Complaining to someone heading to work would be tacky.
“Uh… maybe I’m still half-asleep, words aren’t coming out right.”
“Told you, you don’t need to make breakfast.”
“Should’ve done it right from the start if you’re gonna say that. Anyway.”
The toast, slathered with maybe too much butter, smelled deliciously tempting. I briefly considered tossing another slice in the pan, but shook my head. Laziness trumped appetite. I pulled out the chair across from Junseok-hyung and sat.
“Fair point.”
“Gotta go out like this anyway.”
“…Mmm.”
The crispy toast crunched as he bit into it. Junseok-hyung let out a small groan, like he was troubled. These ordinary days weren’t ones we could take lightly. I wasn’t the only one constantly fretting with vague worries.
“…Come to think of it, yeah. We talked about school sometimes, but why didn’t I realize the break was ending?”
“Haha… I only thought of it this morning.”
So, Junseok-hyung hadn’t considered that I’d need to return to school once the break ended. I can’t stay holed up at home forever. I have goals, and there’s still learning to do. Unless I’m employed, I have to go back to a campus full of familiar faces.
“You were probably too busy to think about it, I get it… Ugh. Even if Mom and Dad didn’t, I should’ve thought about it.”
“Would it have changed anything? It’s just a matter of making up my mind.”
“Still, as your brother, I could’ve at least given you a heads-up.”
Is it because he’s the eldest, always looking out for me and Sanghyeon since we were kids? Junseok-hyung tends to feel overly responsible whenever we face trouble. The buttery aroma snapped me out of it, and I realized I’d said something unnecessary. All I needed was to toughen up and go to school like nothing’s wrong.
“…What could go wrong? I’ll talk to the professors, go as a transfer student vibe, and that’s that.”
“You had some close friends in your year, right?”
“Just drinking buddies at department dinners. I’m too much of an outsider to have more than those four friends.”
“Mmm…”
Watching him take another bite, I checked the time on my phone. Even waking up around 6 a.m., his workaholic schedule was always tight—I knew from experience. No need to keep him too long.
“…What about taking a year off?”
“More milk?”
“Half a glass.”
Mom and Dad would be up soon, so maybe I should prep a simple breakfast. Was there leftover doenjang stew from last night? I’ll slice some tofu for it. They don’t eat much in the morning, so maybe just add some fried eggs. As random thoughts floated, a faint sigh escaped. Faced with that option, I couldn’t decide easily.
“…Not a bad idea.”
“Not a bad idea, but?”
I clammed up at his follow-up. Lost in thought, I’d poured nearly a full glass of milk instead of half. Junseok-hyung gave a wry smile. Maybe his constant “big brother” mode was because I kept slipping up like this.
“…I don’t think staying home another year would help me decide.”
“…Fair.”
Even I thought my answer sounded shaky. It meant I still wasn’t ready to go to school like this. The conversation stalled, only the mechanical sound of chewing toast filling the air. Feeling like I was in the way, I fidgeted with my T-shirt’s neckline.
“If I said we can afford to support you even if you do nothing… you’d get mad, right?”
“Yup.”
“Figured.”
The toast vanished quickly, as if making up for his earlier dawdling. Licking the grease off his fingers, Junseok-hyung chuckled at my sharp reply and continued.
“How much break’s left?”
“About three weeks.”
“Take it easy a bit longer. Don’t rush to decide. If it gets too tough, talk to family.”
Gotta brush my teeth and head out. With a gentle smile, Junseok-hyung quietly stood, pushing his chair back. Surrounded by such kind people, I’m pretty lucky, huh? The thought hit me suddenly.
“If you hadn’t said that cheesy line, you’d have looked cooler.”
“…Can’t you act a little cuter? I’m already stressed at work, and you’ve been getting cheekier lately.”
“Go wash up, hyungnim.”
“…This feels like déjà vu.”
I grabbed the empty plate and headed to the sink. Take it easy. Take it easy. It’s a phrase I use daily, but today, it resonated deeply.
Part 22
“Argh! Chat, did you see that?! How does it make sense to dodge W, Q, everything, get hit by only autos, and still lose?!”
“When you guys have a tough decision to make, how do you handle it?”
– Sis, something bad going on…?
– Sob, don’t be sad, Sis…
“You guys saw that, right…?”
Sanghyeon’s whiny voice came from the side, but I pushed his face away with one hand, ignoring him. I felt a bit bad since it’s his stream, but he seems to enjoy this treatment, so it’s probably fine.
“No, no, it’s not a serious problem… Just, I’ve got a big decision coming up soon.”
– Most people would call that a serious problem, teach.
“…Oh, is it? PouPou, thanks for the 5,000 won donation.”
– What’s up???
– Bigger than Cheungjeokun not upgrading his cam?
Most things in life are probably bigger than that. I stifled the retort and burst out laughing. Since my first cam appearance, every so often, someone nags Sanghyeon to get a better cam. Naturally, he’d counter with “This one’s already expensive!” with all sorts of dramatic gestures.
He wasn’t pulling those stunts now since he was gaming, but just seeing those chats brought to mind his antics and the viewers’ relentless teasing, making me smile naturally.
“Hmm. To me, it feels like a big deal. Honestly, I don’t know what to do.”
– You can’t ask us that lolol
– This place is full of weirdos, you won’t get straight answers
“Wha… It’s full of nice people!”
– Ack! My eyes!
– Cheungjeokun!!! Turn off the cam quick, it’s too bright!!!!
Their usual over-the-top reactions curled my lips into a grin. Fun people. I’m not into Sanghyeon’s games, but these interactions keep drawing me back. It’s like poking a roly-poly just to see it curl up—would they get mad if I said that?
“But seriously, Sis, what’s up? I haven’t heard anything.”
“Uh… it’s not really stream-appropriate.”
“You could’ve told me before we started.”
“I don’t think telling you would solve it.”
– Fr lol
– You know you look pathetic when you solo kill, flex, and still lose, right, Cheungjeokun? Behave.
“Why’re you guys gagging me?!”
The keyboard and mouse clicks grew more frantic. Still, some chats were cheering him on, so I halfheartedly mumbled, “Fighting, fighting.”
“Anyway, it’s just… I thought with so many people here, someone might have advice.”
– Like someone said, you gotta filter what we say lol
– You can’t ask deep stuff to people watching a lowbrow, thrill-chasing stream like Cheungjeokun’s lolol
“Hmm… Is that so?”
The screen flashed repeatedly. A 1v1 lane is complex enough, but with 10 players in a teamfight, my eyes spun. Sanghyeon clammed up, probably at a critical moment, so I fixed my gaze on the chat. A surprising number of concerned messages popped up.
“Maybe I asked the wrong thing. Sorry…”
– Sis’s trouble consultation is more fun than Cheungjeokun’s teamfights, it’s fine
– We’re not big shots, but if it’s tough, talk to us
– Just do what you want, Sis. If it goes wrong, kick Cheungjeokun out and take his ID lol
– ? That’s not bad.
They’re so positive. I can’t think that optimistically. While I mulled, the chat had already shifted to a heated debate about “how to oust Sanghyeon and take over his stream.” In the blink of an eye—5, 10 seconds?—they’d gone so far. Their cheerful train of thought pushed my complicated feelings aside, and a giggle slipped out.
“Hey! Why’re you plotting to end my stream right after I finish a teamfight?!”
– No idea~
– Yo, it’s not over! Red team, you can still turn it around!
“I’m not losing this game! I’ll show you the power of top lane!”
Half the chat was teasing Sanghyeon, half cheering me on with “Keep fighting!” vibes. I read as much as I could, lips curled up, though the chat scrolled too fast to catch it all.
“…Heh. Thanks, everyone. I feel a bit lighter.”
– Yo! Blind cheering worked!
– Wooo! We did it, chat!
Yeah, maybe sometimes I just need to think simply. Do what I can. Junseok-hyung will keep worrying if I don’t, so I’ll tackle things one by one.
Part 23
Am I slowly getting colored by them? Bit by bit, am I starting to resemble these cheerful people?
If I keep inching closer, will I be able to live freely, without worries or doubts?
They’re not living carefree lives either, I know. They watch streams as an escape, so they don’t feel the need to bring real-world problems here.
But still. Even if I’m only seeing one side of them, learning their humor, their laughter, letting it rub off on me—it’s not bad at all.