Chapter 5: A Futile Farewell (5).

To me, it was a far too sudden change.

From some point on, Hayeon’s words decreased sharply, and the days we met decreased noticeably.

At first I thought it was because her recently changed part-time job was tiring.

Hayeon, who had weak stamina, always struggled when combining part-time work and exam studying.

But as time passed, I felt it was a little different from that.

On the occasional days we went on dates even reluctantly, Hayeon was always in a dazed state.

“Hayeon.”

“…”

“Hayeon?”

“…”

“Hey. Seo Hayeon!”

“…Huh?”

“Why are you like this these days? Is there something worrying you?”

“Ah, no. It’s not that.”

Even when we were sitting in the cafe she usually liked.

She couldn’t focus on the conversation with me.

She would just blankly stare somewhere in the empty air, or simply stare at me and let out a deep sigh.

As if she had some kind of worry.

But since she never told me the reason, I was just frustrated with her.

“If you have something you want to say, don’t keep it in your chest and just say it. You’ll get sick if you keep doing that?”

“…Okay.”

.

.

.

.

One day she suddenly cried while looking at my face.

And it was at the place where we were meeting to start a date.

“Hic… Huuuk…”

I tightly hugged her in my arms, and she didn’t stop crying easily.

Then she tightly hugged my back as if she didn’t want to let go.

“Hic… I love you… I love you… Geonyul.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

I couldn’t understand why she was acting like this.

I simply gave the answer she seemed to want.

As far as I knew, today wasn’t some magical day.

She wasn’t the type to have such severe emotional ups and downs usually either.

“Did you miss me that much? Enough to cry the moment you saw me?”

“…Yeah. I guess so.”

At some point, I stopped asking for the reason behind her strange behavior.

Because even if I asked, she would never answer.

I just thought she must have something hard going on.

I didn’t know what it was, but there were things you had to overcome inside your own heart.

I had times like that too, and those weren’t problems that got solved by telling someone.

Even if you were lovers, you couldn’t share everything.

It was a little sad that she wouldn’t lean on me, her boyfriend, either.

And the day when she and I would have to part for a while was approaching.

My enlistment day in winter was drawing near.

[This Christmas is expected to become a white Christmas for the first time in three years…]

Recalling the news article I had seen a few days ago, I was at a specialty cake shop.

While waiting briefly to pick up the cake I had reserved, I looked out the window.

The sight of white, pretty snow pouring down from the sky caught my eye.

“It’s really snowing.”

It hadn’t been snowing until I arrived at the shop.

Now it truly felt like a white Christmas.

“There are too many people. Ugh.”

The heat from the heater mixed with the body heat of the people and made my head dizzy.

Even reserving a cake for Christmas hadn’t been easy.

There looked to be more than five customers waiting in the shop alone.

And it was one of the famous and expensive shops in the area, so even more so.

But it was close to the last event I would leave for Hayeon before going to the military.

I prepared for this Christmas with a big heart.

“…She’ll like it, right?”

When I imagined Hayeon liking it, this level of effort was enough.

Even though Hayeon looked cold on the outside, she had a feminine side, and she liked sweet desserts and pretty things.

“Yoon Geonyul? I’ll package the cake you reserved!”

“Yes.”

At the employee’s voice, I stood up from my seat and finally received the cake I had been waiting for.

— Ding

With the sound of the bell hanging above the door, I stepped outside the shop and quickened my steps toward the meeting place.

[Let’s meet at the usual park.]

A simple and concise message that came from Hayeon.

Usually I was the one who suggested dates first, so a date proposal coming from Hayeon felt good.

“What’s going on today?”

There was a large park near the university area, and it was roughly in the middle between Hayeon’s house and mine.

The park was quiet and had a nice atmosphere, so we had always used it for dates or as a meeting place.

Maybe Hayeon was excited because it was Christmas.

Remembering Hayeon’s recent gloomy appearance, I strongly wanted to cheer her up properly today.

I wondered if the strange behaviors she had shown during dates would disappear a little then.

— Tap

Even the snowflakes falling on my head didn’t feel that cold.

Rather, because I was in a good mood, they even felt a little warm.

Soon I stepped into the quiet park.

A few people were visible, but even on a holiday it was quite a quiet atmosphere.

I moved my steps toward the bench where Hayeon and I always met.

“Oh. Hayeon!”

The sky that had already grown dark.

Under the glowing streetlight by the bench, Hayeon’s figure stood out.

Jeans, a black polo sweater, and a beige coat draped over it.

When she wore them, even ordinary clothes created the illusion that a model was wearing them.

“You’re here. Yul. I have something to say.”

“Huh? Right as soon as I arrive?”

What words were so urgent.

She threw the main point at me first, as if a team leader at a company was handing down an order.

It wasn’t the kind of behavior Hayeon usually showed, so I thought something was strange.

After all, our meetings always started with light physical contact no matter what.

Her expression also somehow looked more resolute than usual.

Both hands tightly clenched beside her thighs, and eyebrows drawn in a straight line.

And even her lips that kept trembling as if she was hesitating to speak.

“I won’t say it twice. Understand it in one go.”

“Okay. Don’t drag it out and just say it. What is it?”

What words had she prepared for me with such resolve.

And on Christmas Day, which was a day for lovers.

…Was she perhaps going to propose.

Even though I knew there was no way she would do that to me, who was going to the military in a month.

Inwardly I was expecting something like that from Hayeon, who looked just like she was about to confess.

Her trembling lips opened once more—

“…Let’s break up. Yul.”

The words that squeezed out through those small lips were far too cold.

— Thud

Without realizing it, I dropped the cake I had been holding onto the ground.

“W-what did you just say?”

I couldn’t believe it.

I thought the words I had just heard must have been a mistake.

I wondered if my ears had grown so cold from the freezing weather that they had turned red and I had heard something strange.

“I told you. Don’t make me say it twice. Let’s break up. Us.”

We were the kind of couple who had never even said something like this to each other as a joke.

But I found it hard to accept the reality as it was.

“…What are you talking about? All of a sudden? You’re joking right now, right?”

“No. Do I look like I’m joking right now?”

A cold and chilly voice.

Hayeon’s cold expression, which she always created like a shell, was the same as when she dealt with others.

At least she didn’t easily show that face to me, so I was even more bewildered.

Because it felt like she was telling me that the words she had just spoken were sincere.

“Hey. Let’s not do this on a good day. Us. I even reserved and bought a cake to give you. It’s the fresh cream cake you like?”

“Yul. I’m not joking.”

I picked up the cake I had dropped on the ground and spoke to her.

I just wanted to gloss over this situation and make it as if nothing had happened.

Breaking up with Hayeon was something I couldn’t even imagine.

But Hayeon was far too firm. To the point that there was no gap for my coaxing to seep in.

“I don’t want to. Why do I have to break up with you?”

“Don’t be stubborn.”

“Then at least tell me the reason. What’s the problem. I can fix it. Then we won’t have to break up.”

The hand holding the cake began to tremble.

I felt like if I let her go like this it would really be the end.

I held onto her as much as possible and continued speaking.

“Was it because I played games instead of hanging out with you? Is that it? If you don’t like it I’ll quit games too… Or is it that? Because I didn’t tell you when I went out with friends? I told you back then. I just forgot. It won’t happen again from now on. I’m really sorry.”

I pulled out the list of behaviors she had disliked from inside my head.

I was confident I could fix all of them the way she wanted.

As long as I didn’t have to break up with Hayeon.

“It’s not that. Yul.”

“Then what is it? Because of what! Just tell me and I’ll do whatever you say. Please… Hayeon…”

Emotions surged up all at once.

I just wanted to yell and get angry right there on the spot.

“It’s just that we’ve been together too long… I guess I’m tired of it.”

“…Tired of it?”

The words Hayeon spat out as the reason made me feel so miserable.

It felt like someone was digging into my chest with a needle.

Tired of it. Breaking up for such an absurd reason?

How many years had we spent together by now. And only now?

And what was even worse was that it was a reason I couldn’t do anything about.

A reason that made it impossible to turn her heart no matter how hard I tried.

“Yeah. I’m tired of it. I’m sick of it now. You.”

“Seo Hayeon… Don’t lie. The years we’ve seen are sixteen years. If you were going to get tired of it, you should have gotten tired of it long ago.”

“What can I do. I got tired of it now.”

Was saying she was tired of it the end.

Could the sixteen years we spent together and the five years we spent as lovers.

End so easily with just one word that she was tired of it.

Was I really only that much to her.

All sorts of thoughts swirled through my head and I gradually grew dizzy.

If her words were sincere, I simply didn’t know what I should do.

So I found another reason and started taking out my anger on her.

“No. That doesn’t make sense. I don’t believe it. Ah, is it because of the military? Because I’m disappearing in a month? If it was that you should have said so earlier. Then I wouldn’t have had any expectations like this.”

“…”

“Thinking about it, you were strange these days. Why did it seem okay back then, but now that it’s right in front of you your mind changed? Then you should have just said let’s break up back then!”

Hayeon simply listened quietly to my outburst, then tightly clenched her fist.

Then she lifted her head and looked straight at me.

So that I couldn’t run away from reality.

“No. Even if you come back from the military it’s the same. We have no more business with each other. I told you I’m tired of you?”

“Hey.”

“Don’t contact me anymore. We’re done. Don’t look for me even after you’re discharged.”

She said that and abruptly turned her body, then moved her steps out of the park.

…Was it really ending like this?

I felt the corners of my eyes gradually growing moist.

The emotions boiling up inside me surged, and I shouted at the top of my lungs toward her departing back.

“Hey! Seo Hayeon! Don’t fck around. What kind of thing is this. Ending it however you want like this!”

And I tried to run and grab her shoulder at least.

“Ugh.”

As luck would have it, my feet got tangled and I fell flat onto the ground.

Maybe it was because the snow had melted and the ground was slippery.

Cold snow stuck to my face and my leg started throbbing as if I had twisted it properly.

Whether I fell or not, Hayeon continued moving her steps quickly as if it had nothing to do with her.

“Hey! Seo Hayeon! You bad btch! You fcking b*tch!”

I cursed at her back and could only blankly watch her disappearing figure.

“Don’t go… Please… Come back… Hayeon…”

And only after her figure had disappeared did I pitifully collapse on the ground and pour out my true feelings along with my tears.

The cold snowflakes simply kept pouring down onto my head.