Chapter 28: Yuamhwamyeong (1)
Part 1
Perhaps because of my repetitive lifestyle, the five weekdays flew by in a flash. I’d grown used to the taxi company’s number, even timing their arrival well enough to call ahead, mess around a bit, and step out just as the car pulled up.
As I left the house, I opened the messaging app and sent a quick greeting to my parents, who’d left earlier with worried expressions. The sound of the door locking and the ping of their reply hit at the same time, making me chuckle unwittingly.
I’m getting used to it. To this, to that. Sitting in the taxi headed to the hospital, I gazed blankly at the passing scenery. Last week, I was moping like the world had ended, but now, just a week later, I’m acting all detached. Would the doctor scoff at me for it? Knowing his personality, he’d probably just say, “Nothing’s wrong. Don’t forget to come back next week,” without batting an eye.
Different drivers each time, but the route to the hospital was always the same. Maybe the 21st-century infrastructure is too well-planned for some secret shortcut only seasoned drivers know. The familiar road scenery, almost boring, blurred as the taxi picked up speed.
A peaceful weekend corner, sleepy almost. As if mocking my past moping, another uneventful day rolled by slowly.
Part 2
“Nothing’s wrong. Come back next week. Doesn’t have to be Saturday.”
“Pfft…”
The doctor’s blunt delivery hit me, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Barely covering my mouth and turning away, I caught Dr. Kang Young-hoo’s narrowed, incredulous stare.
“…What’s that about?”
“S-Sorry… It’s just… exactly the reaction I expected.”
Have I gotten that comfortable with him? It’s arrogant to think I know someone I see once a week inside out, but I’ve at least gotten a sense of Dr. Kang Young-hoo as a doctor. His mouth, about to say something, closed with a faint sigh. As always, papers fluttered softly onto the desk’s stack.
“You seem to be doing alright lately.”
“Huh? Oh…”
“The first time you’ve laughed during a checkup.”
“…Oh.”
His calm, appraising gaze fixed on my face. Caught off guard by the topic shift, I fumbled, mumbling incoherently before letting out a dazed exclamation.
“…Was it?”
“Yep. Last week, you looked half-dead. The week before, pretty dead. First visit? Kinda dead.”
Was I? Honestly, I couldn’t remember. What face did I make coming here? How should I live going forward? How do others see me? How should I act? I’d been so caught up in others’ perceptions that I hadn’t noticed my own demeanor.
“…Was I that miserable-looking?”
“Not miserable. I don’t know if you’ll like or hate hearing this, but with that face, any expression’s probably forgivable.”
“Are you teasing me?”
“Seems you’ve got enough room now to think about others’ feelings.”
I caught the slight curl of his lips. I was about to feel touched, thinking, “He seems unmotivated but cares about his patients!”—then it hit me. He’s enjoying this. This guy’s definitely a doctor for the thrill of it. My own lips, still twitching with a grin, weren’t exactly composed either.
“You like messing with people, don’t you?”
“Messing? Just checking on my patient’s state, gauging things.”
Still, I’m paid to do my best. His shrugged, half-mumbled words came with that annoyingly persistent smirk. I hoped I wasn’t childish enough to think, “He mocked me, I’ll get revenge.”
“…I’ll head out then.”
“Next time, bring one of your parents. It’s been about a month, so there’s stuff to discuss.”
“I’ll let them know.”
I’m really getting better, I thought. But does the doctor still see things that need family involvement? Savoring the lingering smile, I gave a small bow and stood from the chair, turning toward the examination room door.
Just as I stepped forward—
“Sorry, but we probably won’t find a way to reverse that condition—whatever it is—before we’re old and gone.”
My foot froze mid-step. I turned stiffly toward Dr. Kang. His expression was still neutral, but his slightly downturned eyes seemed… pitying? Guilt? I couldn’t tell. It was beyond my understanding.
“…I see.”
I didn’t know how to respond. Was he worried about my “half-dead” look? I forced a smile. An awkward silence hung between us.
“…Thanks for being able to smile like that.”
I was about to speak when his low voice broke through. What did he mean? I couldn’t grasp why he said it. Guilt, pity, responsibility, relief—it was too complex. Locking eyes briefly, I couldn’t guess what response he wanted.
“…Don’t mention it.”
But the tangled feeling wasn’t bad. I didn’t know what expression or answer he expected, but—
“…I kept you too long. Take care.”
I knew for sure I was smiling.
With another small bow, I left the room. My steps felt a little lighter.
Part 3
– Why do you suddenly wanna meet up?
“Just felt like a walk. You’re the only one free.”
My voice perked up as the call connected to my last hope. I’d already struck out on three other calls. The taxi driver, giving me a puzzled look when I asked to be dropped at an odd spot, was long gone down the road.
– I’m a busy guy too, you know!
“Jooyoung and Seokyoon are working part-time, Youngjin’s prepping for a certification. You’ve got nothing going on.”
– You’re making me sound like a total slacker!
“You kinda are right now.”
– Stop hitting where it hurts~
I giggled at the whining voice over the phone. A weekend noon in the bustling city. It was probably mealtime, so the streets were quieter than expected. It felt oddly calm for downtown. If there was a lively spot, I’d check it out, but with nothing in sight, I needed someone to bounce ideas off.
– Where you at?
“By the subway station, exit 6, on a bench.”
– You called me out for something, right?
“Gonna figure that out face-to-face.”
– Hanging up.
“Hey, wait! My treat for coffee.”
I couldn’t contain my excitement, but with no clue where to go, my desperate plea sounded materialistic. A faint sigh came through, like he was actually about to hang up. Was he serious?
– Why’re you so desperate all of a sudden… Fine, I’m coming.
“Hurry up! I might get kidnapped sitting here alone.”
– …You saying that makes it weirdly plausible.
“Think about what we could do ‘til evening on your way.”
– Yo, the one who calls should—
I cut the call before his grumbling finished. Picturing Seongyoon muttering “This jerk” while getting ready made me grin again.
“Two people… karaoke? Board games?”
Whatever it was, I wanted to soak in this fun mood. I’d have plenty to tell Sanghyeon and the viewers when I got home tonight. They’d probably flood the chat with “You have friends?!!!”
A kid with a backpack passing by stared curiously at my silly grin. Knowing he couldn’t hear, I cleared my throat and composed myself to hide my embarrassment.
Part 4
If Dr. Kang Young-hoo says I looked that bad, I must’ve been quite a mess.
What did my family think, seeing me like that? My friends?
I’ll smile more from now on. As much as I can, whenever I can. There’s so much to smile about if I try.
Imagining the rest of the day, recalling that little moment no one else knew, I thought this.
Waiting for my friend, slowly approaching.
The breeze felt warm.
Winter was passing, and spring was coming.